Strutting your stuff by Trisha McNair

One of the most worrying tendencies of growing older is the increasingly irresistible urge to pull on comfy clothes. Stilettos and sharp suits are abandoned to the back of the wardrobe while bland baggy casuals and sloppy old shoes cry out. Mmmm, feel the stretchy jersey in tepid colours which wraps softly around middle aged spread and won’t dazzle your eyes and hurt your brain…. It’s a simple fact on which Marks and Spencer, Littlewoods and their like have successfully built massive empires but one thing is for sure – it ain’t rock and roll.

You can drone on all you like about music being the all important factor but putting yourself up on a stage means putting yourself out to the people. Rock performance is ultimately all about strutting your stuff to woo the crowd, thrilling people with what you can do, and putting out the come on through the lyrics and a bit of audience interaction – no wonder sex is such an integral part of the rock legend. But baggy old jeans and a sloppy jersey T shirt in shades of taupe chirpily teamed with Jesus sandals doesn’t do it for most of us, even if you are blistering through a guitar solo like Hendrix reincarnate. Sadly I’ve shared the stage a few times with British Home Stores’ finest and it wasn’t pretty.

It is of course, much more than just a matter of what you wear. A couple of years ago I went to Highclere Castle for a summer festival. Stevie Winwood and Eric Clapton demonstrated astonishing musicianship, and deserved their headline spot as the most accomplished players of the evening. But standing in the audience I felt that I could have been listening to a CD at home on the sofa with a cup of cocoa in my hand. It wasn’t so much a matter of bland clothes (what they had carefully selected from their wardrobes has left no impression whatsoever) but that there was nothing visual to engage and excite me. It was just nice music, made by a few guys who hardly seemed to move a muscle or twitch a little to show they were still alive, let alone get rocking out and thrash a little (heaven preserve, it might trigger some palpitations or stir up the arthritis). You wouldn’t dream of sex with a stiff mute would you ? (you might ? if you would, please don’t feel you have to mail me to tell me so but I can refer you to someone who can give you help …) You want someone to talk to you, caress you and move you with their energy as well as their sweet soul sounds . For me the stars of the show that evening were The Jones Gang. Good music is a given but their front man Robert Hart also really got to the audience. With his every move he drew us in to a relationship that promised thrills and spills.

There again most of know we can’t go back to the outrageous styles we might have once confidently strode around in as teenagers. Not everyone can manage that tight-jeans, ripped T shirt look once they are past 20. As we get older we become more self-conscious and less prepared to risk humiliation. Maybe we just give up on the idea of being sexy too, and don’t feel we dare risk trying flirting with the audience.

Its never too late. There is plenty you can do to sharpen your style no matter how old you are. In my day job I work with the elderly and every now and then a woman or man in their 80’s or 90’s comes through the door and make us all draw breath. Its not that they look anything other than their age, but they just have style and panache which gives them a certain zing (here’s one simple tip, wearing clean clothes and keeping the muesli out of your beard is a great start).

So what stage dress works as the decades pass ? Spandau Ballet who are back on the road after more than 20 years of cosy domesticity (or plain hard work) recognised there was no way back to the flounces and curls of the New Romantics that had brought them to fame in the 1980’s. So now they’ve gone for the sharp suited look in an attempt to maintain the sexy-but-smart dignity they aspire to in middle age, and it does the trick nicely.

Here’s a few other ideas :

- simple accessories like a cool hat (a la Mr Burton !!) some flashy shoes or an unusual coat, may be all you need.

- Black works – it sounds like a cliché but just look through a few rock mags such as Q and you’ll see band after band in black. Its an inherent part of the rock thing. Don’t ask me why but the answer is probably similar to why women look provocative in black underwear. If you just focus on black you’re bound to find something in a shape or style that you actually feel comfy in too. Black also has the added benefit of not casting shadows which would otherwise highlight the sins of decades of bodily neglect !

- Co-ordinating the band can help – it says you mean business and are making the effort. One local band I know (The Tigermoths) dress in black with the odd flash of red – its simple but effective and gives you lots of scope for accessories.

- Not everyone in the band has to dress up or put out. Shrinking violet ace musicians are always welcome so long as everyone isn’t stuck in that head’s down, focussed-on-instrument position. But you need at least one if not two people who are happy to be at the front, to make eye contact with the people watching and even tell a joke or two, or explain what’s going on. Reaching the crowd is an inherent part of entertainment.

- Believe in yourself. Will.I.Am.’s golden words of wisdom from the phenomenal Black-Eyed-Peas to the X-Factor contestants last week – don’t let anyone distract you from your beliefs in what works (although I’m not sure what to advise if your belief is centred around pale corduroy). Looking confident is half the art (not easy when you keep hitting bum notes but that’s how punk started). Of course not everyone will appreciate the purple velvet smoking jacket that you think is the bees knees but if you look certain of your cool they will eventually start turning up to your gigs on one too !

And when, at the end of the day you just can’t get your hair to go right, your clothes to co-ordinate or your midriff to stop bulging, take a tip from Justin and bring out your pink glittery guitar – that’ll stop the show !!

© 2009 Dr Trisha McNair

Melvis Remembers: Led Zeppelin at The Royal Albert Hall 1969

Tony got the tickets. Sunday June 29th 1969. 8.30pm. We'd spent a sunny summer afternoon smoking in a Godalming garden waiting for him to pick us up.

Earlier that year somebody had clamped a pair of stereo headphones onto my head and said 'Listen.' I did. I'd never even seen headphones before. This was 1969. I'd never heard of Led Zeppelin. Stone me. It was the first Zep album. They couldn't get the 'phones' off me until the end of side two. It bedded itself deep into my consciousness where it still resonates as powerfully today.

So you can imagine the excitement of four fledgling Guildford hippies panting with anticipation in the seventeenth row of the stalls in the Royal Albert Hall. The Liverpool Scene, Mick Abrahams' [Jethro Tull's original guitarist] Blodwyn Pig came and went. And then Led Zeppelin.

Their Cavalier-length leonine locks, their skin-tight loon pants, their skimpy tops and the way the chicks were checking them out. But the sound was what it was all about. It was magnificent. The delerious delight of their dynamics as they ranged from pin-dropping pianissimo to brain-crunching crescendo. The set was by and large that first album. And they delivered it with panache, precision and passion. No recycled riffs for these guys. They were blazing a trail, pushing the envelope and breaking the sound barrier What set them apart was that sublime guitar playing perfectly blended with, by a country blues mile, the best ever rock voice...and I've seen Morrison, Daltrey, Jagger and Stewart. Plant used his voice like a saxophone. The call and response moments between him and Page elevated the music to the stratospheric heights of the Classical Pinnacle. It was Music of the Spheres and it ranged from a tender, sensual delicacy to the full-on Power and Glory of Spiritual Orgasm. And what a rock-solid pile-driving rhythm section: tighter than a duck's arse. This was a total band. In 1969 Hendrix was Hendrix and Clapton was God. but Led Zeppelin were the ultimate four-piece band.

At one point during the honey-sweet guitar/voice duet at the climax of 'You Shook Me' some idiot heckled Robert Plant. 'Get a f***ing move on'. Planty improvised something along the lines of 'I wish I was a catfish...then I'd slap you in the face' he didn't miss a beat, he turned the heckle right around and brought the house down.

Jimmy Page's 'Black Mountain Side' acoustic playing was a real virtuoso surprise. People just weren't used to seeing an acoustic guitar in a rock band. His use of a violin bow on that over-driven Les Paul was a stroke of pure genius that blew many minds. He had no need to smash or burn his guitar. He caressed it, stroked it, made it scream, cry and sigh and all with the ease of a consummate master. By the second encore of 'Long Tall Sally' we were dancing on our seats. The Albert Hall would never be the same again.

© 2009 Melvis